It’s a perfect storm of symptoms:
- Some combination of chemo and immunotherapy has affected my taste buds, so that everything I eat tastes bland and boring.
- I have painful sores on my tongue, on my palette and in my throat. They are also caused by the chemo. The sensation is like having strep throat plus a half dozen canker sores at the same time.
- As a result, eating and drinking are not just uninspiring but full-on painful.
- The passage through my esophagus is so small right now that food frequently gets stuck and can’t be “washed down” by gulping water. Taking a pill can have the same effect. Sometimes the blockage is so bad that my saliva builds up at the top of my esophagus and I need to vomit to get rid of it. Yuck.
- I have a cough, of unknown origin, which is triggered, among other things, by food or liquid “tickling” the back of my throat. When a coughing fit happens, the food-stuffs come shooting out of my mouth and nose. Yuck again.
- As a result, much of what I try to consume doesn’t actually make its way down to my stomach.
This has been taking a toll on my well-being. Eating and drinking nowadays make me feel scared, sad, and a little angry.
Scared because each meal or drink carries the risk of a mini-disaster: being unable to even keep water down because I’ve induce a blockage, say; or publicly projectile vomiting.
Sad because food and drink are supposed to be opportunities for joy. But they definitely are not, nowadays. My quality of life is lessened by my messed up digestive tract.
Angry because none of this is fair. I did nothing to deserve this.
Looking to the future, I am discontinuing one of my chemo drugs, and that might help with the tastelessness and the pain. I’ll also keep having my esophagus stretched surgically, which gives me a few weeks of relief.