How I’m Doing (Redux)

I thought I’d provide an update on my mental health. I don’t have a tale to tell. So, I’ll just list a bunch of relevant things.

Relevant thing #1: I am planning to return to work full time as of July, 2025. I am, as of now, on a gradual return-to-work regimen, worked out jointly with my psychiatrist, my insurance company Manulife, and my various (very supportive) bosses at Western. In particular, I am moving immediately from 50% workload to 65%. Specifically, I am ramping up my research load and my service duties this month: I am already doing much more academic writing than I was able to in the Spring, labouring simultaneously on three scholarly articles, and on a grant application. And I volunteered for some extra administrative duties, including Grad Admissions. In April, when Winter term ends, I’ll move to 80%, and I’ll increase my teaching load too: I’ll be offering “Introduction to Buddhist Philosophy” in the Summer session. Assuming I continue to do well, I’ll move to 100% when the new academic year begins, i.e., July 1st. I confess, I never thought I’d be able to go back to work full time. It’s wonderful news.

My wife Anita has been slightly worried that my productivity is actually a symptom of mania, as opposed to signaling recovery. This is a valid point. It’s something we need to keep an eye on. But, so far, I haven’t been acting out in a manic way, other than having energy for academic work.

Relevant thing #2: I am down in Uruguay for a big academic conference. The Interamerican Congress of Philosophy. Today is the last day. This morning, I presented a jointly authored paper called, “On the Autonomy of Knowledge of Language”. (Shout out to my co-authors Arthur Sullivan at Memorial and Chris Viger at Western Ontario.) I was shaking a little, but I didn’t get lost during the presentation, and I think it went very well. I’ve also been able to follow other people’s talks very well, regardless of which language they’re given in. (It’s a multilingual affair.) I’ve even managed to pose some helpful questions in the Q&A session.

It’s not all sweetness and light, however. On the first day of the conference, Monday, I kept getting those old fear symptoms coming back. And that created meta-fear: feeling scared that I was soon going to become really afraid. I have been able to contain the anxiety symptoms in the ensuing days, but it makes clear that I am not “fixed” yet, and likely never will be. The key is coping with symptoms, rather than excising them.

Relevant thing #3: I am down here in Uruguay without Anita, Moon or Saima. Nonetheless, I am doing okay. This is important because I hope to mostly evade Canadian winters from now on, even though the family won’t be able to travel with me much of the time. Being all the way down here for a couple of weeks without them is another step towards independence. Of course, I’m not alone down here: I have lots of friends, family and work connections in Uruguay. I’m not well enough yet to be entirely on my own for weeks! I doubt I’ll ever relish that. (Oh, and did I mention that I’m sitting outside on a patio, wearing a short sleeve shirt, while Western Ontario is closed today due to a blizzard?)