During my Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy sessions we performed a thought experiment which provided a lot of insight into how my mind works. I suspect others will find the exercise interesting two.
Consider a first scenario. I am coming out of a meeting in which I’ve received negative feedback on some research in progress. My interlocutors have basically suggested that I need to start from scratch. As I am walking back to the office, my friend and colleague X approaches in the opposite direction. I greet X and begin to complain about the bad news; but they explain that they don’t have time to talk now, and rush off.
Here were my thoughts, bodily sensations and feelings in response to the first scenario. I thought: “I need people to console me. This person must not really care about me after all, because if they did, they would stop. I thought they were friends, but they’ve disappointed me.” I sensed tension in my shoulders and forehead. And I felt mild anger but especially sadness and disappointment.
I invite you to place yourself in a similar scenario, though replacing “negative feedback on research” with the relevant negative comments you might get in your job from your team. What thoughts come immediately to mind? What happens in your body? What emotions arise?
Consider now, as we did in the MBCT group, a second scenario. Once again, I am leaving a meeting. This time, however, I have been praised about the high calibre of my teaching and my amazing research productivity. I start walking back to my office and see X coming down the hall. I begin to share the good news with my old friend; but, as in the first scenario, X explains that they are in a hurry and they rush off.
This time I thought: “Though it would have been nice for them to congratulate me, it’s no big deal. Even good friends get overly busy sometime. I can share this news with others instead. Besides, I actually have enough positive going on already.” No bodily tension this time. And my feelings are happiness and excitement.
One really central lesson of this thought experiment is that when I’m vulnerable, I need attention. Moreover, once I’m down, I see everything through “grey-coloured glasses”. And I personalize the negative once I’m already down: anything others do which is negative is about me.
What would you think, sense and feel emotionally in the second scenario?