I haven’t written anything on the blog for a long time. In large part it’s because I’ve been so unwell. I’ve never been this bad for this long.
In particular, I’m becoming agoraphobic, afraid to be away from Anita and outside the house. That’s a new symptom for me and a really bad one.
Meanwhile, I have just started up with a CBT group out of Toronto Western hospital. Frankly, I fear that I won’t learn much new content, given how much I know about the general approach already, but I value the group work and the structured “home practice”.
Speaking of which, our first homework was setting mental health SMART goals. SMART stands for Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, Time-related. Or something like that: different people define SMART slightly differently.
My overall chosen goal was to combat the encroaching phobia. But that’s too broad to be SMART. So, with my therapist Rachel’s help, I have narrowed it down to something that can be checked off each day, which is realistic, and contributes to keeping agoraphobia at bay. My SMART goal is… to have one destination each day, ideally without Anita.
So far, I am doing well. I took a family of Sudanese refugees out shopping at Costco on Saturday and then to an Asian supermarket on Sunday. I also went birding with a friend, a one-time supervisee, on Sunday morning. Today I walked to the grocery story and drove to Hannah W’s office. (Long-time readers of the blog will know that she is my mental health Occupational Therapist.) I also ran 10.5 k yesterday by myself. That felt really good.
Tomorrow, I am going to campus to teach in person for the first time in two years. That’s a big “destination”, even though it used to be nearly my second home. Anita will take me there because I’m really anxious about this step, but it still counts.