Kind and well-meaning people will tell people with depression that life is good. In my case, friends and family will remind me of genuinely positive things: my good job, the love that surrounds me, my fine home, my physical health, etc.
This can help. But mostly it won’t – because the person with depression already knows these things.
It’s like one is split in two: a rational observer who recognizes the objective positives; and an emotional “feeler” who responds sadly, nonetheless.
I like to explain this “split” in perceptions by analogy with a visual illusion. An example. In the Muller-Lyer illusion, below, one knows that the two lines are the same length:
If you have any doubt, draw two lines yourself on a piece of paper, and triple check that they match. Then add the arrow heads. One line, the one with the arrows pointed inwards, will look longer.
Depression is like that. Often (not always), I know rationally, intellectually, about all the positives. Emphasizing them isn’t necessary. Indeed, too much emphasizing makes me feel worse – guilty and shameful that I can’t appreciate the good things as I ought to. Yet, despite what Rational Rob knows, things “look” dark and dangerous to Emotional Rob.
What can a friend or family member do, when accentuating the positive fails? Try saying “I can see that this is awful for you. But you’ve faced it before, and it passes. We’re here for you, while you’re depressed and while you’re not”.